real official certificate

Well I guess since my fans are so cool and awesome, I am going to have to present another SUPER AWESOME FAN award today. This Award is not only for a super good fan but also for the WORLDS BEST GRAMPA! Can you believe that my Grampy got me the best TShirt in the whole world! That is right! It says HIPPOS SUCK and it is so cool!! I am wearing it right now and I have not taken it off since it came for me in the Real Outside Mail (you know the kind where a guy like puts envelopes in a box for you but he doesn't like to come inside your house) and I always knew Grampy was the greatest because sometimes he would let me drive the car! I am a real good driver except I can only turn the big wheel. I have to have a human push the foot buttons to make it go.

So here is the WORLDS BEST GRAMPA official certificate and let me tell you something OK! I know that when I looked on the Internet and I did a Goggle search I saw that lots of fake awards have been given out. All of these old guys had cups that said Worlds Best Grampa but they did not really win an award! Those cheaters. This one is real and you can tell because I officially signed it and I officially drew a ribbon looking thing which means it is OFFICIAL and not FAKE.

I was going to have my brother Clyde take my photo-graph because he is the smartest one (yeah OK I know he is smarter than me big deal but he is kind of a dork too) and he can figure out how the camra works. But Clyde said it is broken. I was nervous at first because I knew the humans would be kinda mad if we broke their camra but Clyde said THEY broke it and it is OK. Anyway I can't take a photo-graph now so I will have to just wait to show you my awesome shirt but you can click on the LINK down there someplace and see a picture of it there OK.

I know you are probably wondering why I am up so early on a Saturday! I know you are. That is because Geoffrey had to go to Teacher School today real early and he was sort of grumpy about having to get up early and sort of stomping around in his sandals. So I woke up a little early. I guess I would be mad if I had to go to school too. Why do the humans always go to SCHOOL so much? I mean have they even heard of TV?!? You can learn everything worth knowing on TV anyway so whats the big deal. Plus if Teachers have to go to school then that is pretty crazy.

Geoffrey likes to talk about math a lot so that is why I decided to make a pretty good Math question for this post. Here we go!

If there was a super giant human, how many ironing boards would he need to make the Alps Mountains get all flat?

a. One
b. Zero
c. Three Jazillion Million
d. Googleplex

Make sure to use a pencil and paper OK! Answer next time! I'm not going to post a hint for dummies because you should really be able to get this one and if you needed a hint for it you would just feel real embarassed.

super surprise announcement

Today I am going to make a SUPER BIG ANNOUNCEMENT about a special human prize I just now decided to give out to someone very cool. Please take your ugly bald human fingers and tap them real fast on your desk or table or whatever so it sounds exciting like there are drum rolls.

The winner of best human award is AUNT SANDI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That's right Aunt Sandi I would like to officially give you this special award I decided to give you since you sent me the COOLEST postcard thingie on my, I mean Renee's, Computer Mail.

If anyone else wants an awesome prize like this they will have to send me Computer Mail or maybe some kind of fruit basket in Real Outside Mail. But you still won't really get the BEST prize because you didn't think of it first like Sandi did ok.

If you want to know why the prize is green it is because RAIN FORESTS are green and also I could not find a blue marker. The humans have kind of a mess here and I can not seem to find the color markers and the finger paints. Geoffrey said not to use finger paints on the printer thing (it has some glass that you put a picture on and it remembers it and describes it to the Computer which is pretty neat) or else he will get real mad.

The neat postcard thing that BEST HUMAN aunt Sandi sent me had a picture of the gorilla I was named after and also the gorilla had a kitten on her HEAD which was so cute I cant even tell you. Maybe later I will give it to the printer so it can remember it real good but I don't know if it will work because it is a super cute picture and it might be hard for the printer to remember?

who is the smartest one

OK HERE WE GO!!! The answer to that question is D: TWO TAMALES!!! Who got it right?! If you got it right you are the smartest one, so if you know someone who got it wrong you should definitely jump around and wave your arms and stuff saying about how the other person is a real big loser for picking a dumb answer. The answer Two Tamales is because Tamale is the Spanish word for "go real fast like a train" but you have to really talk to a Spanish-barking dog to find it out. That was the trick part to the question, okay? So next time you might be better at it.

Did you know that a banana can be just as delicious when it is Green! Also some kinds of monkeys eat bananas different than humans! They like split it up the side and probably mash it up some and lick it out that way. I think I saw it on TV one time.

Today me and my brother Rocky were going to go outside and see if we could climb up to the roof of that other little house where the washing machine and drying machine live. We told Frankie that we were going to Africa because that is where hippos live. I thought he was really believing me until Rocky admitted to him that the washing machine is not really in Africa. I have to talk to Rocky about this kind of messing up my good jokes and stuff.

brain challenge

Here is a new trivia question I just thought up. This one is kind of hard but you should try to answer it anyway.

If your family dog starts to get fleas in winter, how long will it take before he reaches the train coming from Mexico at 65 miles an hour?

a. Couple of weeks
b. Blue korean food speed (32)
c. Trick question; fleas can not jump
d. Two tamales

Think real hard and try not to cheat by sending a Computer-Mail to me and asking me to tell you the answer because that is the only way you could cheat I think. I will put the answer next time!

Special hint for real dummies: My brother Damon is a dog but he does not care for Mexico.

dumb thing Frankie did for today

The humans got a new printer for Christmas. It's big and makes a little zoot-zoot noise when it prints things out. It came in a big box which they leave sitting around in the other room because they are sort of lazy. Frankie saw the box and jumped right in like it was a pool or something. It's like 50 times bigger than him and he couldn't get out. It was fun to poke at the sides like I might maybe possibly help get him out but then just turn on Animal Planet instead. My brother Clyde got him out later because he finished reading his book I guess. Clyde is big and orange with long arms and legs.

oh ho I can make up stuff on the internet

I bet you didn't know that I had one of these internet boxes. Right now the human Geoffrey is pushing buttons on his computer machine and giving me a funny look. I don't think he knows that I can push buttons pretty good too.

My brother Frankie put some chocolates into the toaster and made the humans pretty mad. Renee is not too good at putting out fires and she makes a lot of loud noises. Even if they put a sign on the toaster about not putting any chocolates in, Frankie could not read it. I think that is funny.